hey guys, been awhile since ive blogged.. im in need of advice. its not super personal, but ive only told a few people.. because it really doesnt make any sense at all, and ive never been able to truly explain it.. or found ANYONE who can relate to it.
all i know is that i remember this happening in my early teen years.
seriously if anyone knows what the hell this may be or whatever.. im open to hearing ANYTHING...
when i meet a guy that i may end up liking. everything is fine at first.. but when i start to have some sort of feelings for them.. over a night.. something changes. all of sudden, i cant look at their pictures anymore. i know, sounds pretty fucking stupid. before i can look at any of their pictures without literally freaking out... but as soon as i like them.. it changes.
it hasnt been a real issue so far.. but i think its just going to become an issue for future relationships. its stupid, and i wish it could go away. but right now.. the guy that i do have feelings for atm (ex bf, dont ask lol).. i cant look at his pictures.. and if someone were just to surprise me with his picture.. ive automatically freak out (panic, and my breathing would be a bit fast) and cover my eyes.. these people arent ugly or anything.. i cant explain it... at all..
i dont know what the fuck im afraid of. oh, yeah also i cant take pictures with whoever this happens with. i mean, well i can.. but i cant look at it after. i will fucking freak.
i think this is a huge issue because this really sets me back from being myself with someone who i like.
its one thing if youre scared to look at someone because they did something to you in the past or something but this really isnt it...
i hate myself for this, i find it really embarasing and stupid. and i havent been able to do anything about it. :(