Psychotic Elf's Blogs

Once upon a time there was a freestyle’n llama named Tiptoe. This llama was no ordinary freestyle’n llama. This llama was able to freestyle on a unicycle juggling flaming sticks. One day with his owner Doris, after fleeing home on their way to the Skate Park, they encountered a hidden half pipe. While pulling off some crazy shit on the half pipe, they were swept away on a tsunami. When the peculiar wave through the desert finally stopped, Tiptoe and Doris woke up to find them surrounded by man-eating umpalumpas. Escaping with only one finger lost by Doris, they found a yellow brick road. Tiptoe told Doris to pull out her jet powered roller blades as he flopped out his florescent pink unicycle.

While freestylin down the road they spotted a crippled scarecrow. After talking to him for a while, they invited the scarecrow to join them on the journey back home. For his transportation, they built a motorized go-cart and they continue pulling off mad tricks down the road. After 3 stops for gas and a lunch break, they passed through the city dump and decided to check it out. During their exploration they found a tin man on a supped up moped and asked him to join them on their expedition back home. After shining his nose, buffing his cheeks, and oiling his hinges they anxiously started of down the road again. Thirty miles later they stop at Hooters for dinner. Their waiter was a drunken ostrich, who wanted to get on with his life. Tiptoe demanded the ostrich come home with them at gunpoint. The ostrich willingly grabbed his metallic skateboard and boom box and joined the crusaders on their mission to get home.

They started off again down the road; with the llama on his florescent pink unicycle with his flaming sticks, Doris with her jet powered roller blades, the scarecrow on his motorized go-cart, the tin man on his supped up moped, and the ostrich on his metallic skate board with his boom box. Together they made up the “OZ-SQUAD“.

The road dead-ended into a field. Half way across the field they realized it was a field of weed so they set up camp for the night. The next morning Doris woke up to find Tiptoe and the scarecrow grazing in the field and convinced the others that it was time to go. While the tin man and ostrich were packing up camp, Doris was rounding up tiptoe and the scarecrow. All of a sudden a pack of kangaroos with jetpacks came and took away Doris and Tiptoe to a mysterious place. There they were held captive in a dungeon by the Wacky DJ of the West. They were tortured day in and day out by the god-awful voice of Slim Shady and Eminem. Fed up with the voices, Tiptoe decided to bungee jump out of the window. He took his hair and wove it into a rope and tied one end to the bars of the window and the other to Doris. Tiptoe picked her up and tossed her out the window. After hearing the crack he realized he miscalculated the fall. Instead of being 32, feet it was 15. He lowered himself out of the window and fell on top of Doris. The DJ came running out and chased Tiptoe around the yard and finally cornered him. Tiptoe told him to go shag a random sheep in a random field and when he didn’t back off Tiptoe grabbed a bucket of pinesol from an automatic swifter mop and threw it on the DJ. After the DJ said “uh-oh” tiptoe told him to “die already” and then the DJ blew up. Picking up Doris’s crippled body Tiptoe fled back to their friends and continued across the field.

At the end of the field the yellow brick road picked up again. Further down the road they approached another castle which blocked their path. Sending the tin man to knock on the door, the scarecrow and Tiptoe knocked out the guard as he opened it. Sneaking from one end of the castle to the other, the ostrich playing mission impossible on his boom box. Taking out the guards as they went, and drugging the horse of many colors and the attack midgets, they came to a big room that said WIZARD on the door. Entering the room they saw a man sitting in a chair on the other side. They asked him whether he was the Wizard. He replied “yes, would you like my autographed picture?” The Wizard explained to them that he was an act from the air show from the other side of the road. Disappointed, Tiptoe knocked out the Wizard and tied him up in the closet. Doris found his plane in the back room. They hijacked it and flew home. Over the secret half pipe they found out that there were only 2 parachutes. Doris grabbed one and jumped. Tiptoe grabbed the other and set the scarecrow and the ostrich on fire with 2 of his 3 flaming sticks. As Tiptoe jumped out of the plane he threw his last flaming stick into the engine. The plane went down in smoke and crashed. Catching up with Doris while they plummeted towards the half pipe, Tiptoe pulled both their parachutes. As the parachutes deployed they got tangled and both Doris and Tiptoe were blown off track from the half-pipe to the skate-park. They hit it with a powerful force.

After they woke up with minor concussions and a few broken legs, they saw 3 figures in front of them. Doris said “we just had the weirdest dream,” As Tiptoe pointed to all 3 individual charcoaled figures he repeated “and you were there, and you were there, and you were there.” At that moment Doris and tiptoe look at each other and realized the three charcoaled figures were actually the scarecrow, the ostrich, and the tin man. Fleeing for their lives but not making any progress because of their broken legs; the scarecrow, ostrich, and tin man brutally beat Tiptoe and Doris while they trid to escape. As the cops arrived at the Skate-park they had to peal the 3 charcoaled figures off of Doris and Tiptoe and rushed the “X OZ SQUAD” to intensive care.

Seven years later, after they were all out of extensive care suffering major brain damage, the “OZ SQUAD” was reunited and are now known as the “Mentally Retarded Squad” going around the world on their transportation vehicles, making people see “the light at the end of the tunnel.” They were happy being retarded for the rest of the lives. 

THE END