Davy Rocket's Blogs

DECONSTRUCTING BUCKY. 

We will start for some praise for Bucky’s blogs: 

‘A triffically good read’. Davy Rocket (No relation) 

‘A mantelpiece’ WcT Huey (‘He probably means masterpiece’ Ed.) 

‘Triffic’ Wild Cookie. 

‘A finely-wrought work, compassionate, moving and very funny’ Ravy Docket (still no relation). 

‘Sorry, masterpiece’ WcT Huey. 

Its trifficly triffic. KingoftheRain. 

‘When I first read Bucky’s blogs I stopped wearing a bra and after regular readings I’ve stopped wearing panties as well. The Reverend John Milton Brown.

‘Triffically written’ DirtyEffinJimjo. 

Talk about spanking. My wife and I did it and it was triffic…  Naughty of Hastings. (Sorry, wrong section. Ed) 

‘Really triffic’ Batman Gotham 

‘A traffic mantlepiece’ WcT Huey. (He probably means triffic masterpiece. Ed) 

Couldn’t be anymore triffic. Wuch.
   

Bucky was born in the North East of England. Blah blah. He attended various schools. Blah blah. He went on to study something at college. Blah blah. Numerous jobs. Blah blah. Left-handed trumpet tester. Blah blah. Towel boy at ladies only gym. Blah blah. Selling doors, door-to-door (Tough gig!). Blah blah. Poet. Blah blah. Sexual athlete. Blah blah… 

Where do we start with the man known as BuckshotGeorge?
I think the hair… because he’s worth it. As many will know, Bucky regularly gets himself a ‘Brazilian’ at his local ‘Waxing Palace’. However, I’m talking about the hair on his head. Whether turning down the opportunity to become the face of L’Oreal beauty products was a mistake we will never know. I’m sure it is a disappointment to the many women around the world who would have liked to see him in TV adverts, magazines and on billboards, but he must have had his reasons… 

Likewise, the role of Harry Potter that was eventually taken by Daniel Radcliff was due to be his. Whether he declined this role, or there were artistic differences we again will never know. Did the movies suffer for his absence? That is up to the viewer to decide, but I for one felt that Bucky would have been better in the Hermione role anyway. Daniel Radcliff famously appeared nude on stage in London’s West End, something that Bucky does regularly around his home town, although I gather that court proceedings to stop this are due to start soon, much to the disappointment of many… 

Do we know the man? Is there a secret life? Well yes there is. Not many people know that he is the North East’s Premier Drag act, regularly filling the pubs and clubs of the area. People have been know to travel anything up to one hundred yards to see his award winning Tina Turner/Suzi Quattro retrospective, and many are left in tears at the end of his performance. The heart-wrenching sounds of the Geordie whale song can be heard echoing around the area long after kicking out time… 

He also owns the largest collection of oversized basketball shorts on the planet. These are displayed periodically throughout the year, and the exhibition is well worth a visit if you are in the area, although the local tourist information office recommends visiting after laundry day. One pair of shorts has been inflated into a bouncy castle for children to play on and scaled down replicas of ‘Bucky Shorts’ are available to buy in the gift shop. It is a fun day out for all the family, with one recent visitor commentating; “I had so much fun, I was sick three times!” 

It is now probably safe to reveal that Bucky is also a master of Wiy-Eiy, the secret Geordie art of self defence that requires absolutely no intelligence, strength or physical courage. This fighting art has been kept secret for centuries because of its deadly power to maim, kill, smash, batter, fracture, crush, dismember, crack, disembowel, cripple, snap and harm in frightening ways. The art of this skill is based on a brilliantly simple idea. The best form of defence is attack and the most vital element of attack is surprise. Therefore, the best way to protect yourself against any assailant is to attack him before he attacks you, or better, before the thought of doing so has even occurred to him. You may well be able to render your assailant unconscious before he is even aware of your very existence. Bucky, being a love-maker, not a war-maker, no longer practises this deadly art, but beware because he could, so don’t mess with the Buck-Master! 

As a gamer, he of course knows no shame, happily playing any old shit for the chance of some achievement points. The expression ‘Achievement Whore’ loses all meaning when applied to him. In fact ‘Shameless Rabid Slack-Happy Achievement Slut’ would probably be closer to the mark. Refreshingly though, unlike many, he happily admits to this, and would probably shout it from the rooftops if there was a chance of even more points! 

I always look forward to his blogs, as he has the distinction of being one of the rare guys who can always make me laugh. Also, lets be honest, he is a good-looking guy. Sometimes he gets so excited looking into mirrors that he has to have a lie-down just in case he hurts himself. 

Thank you mate, you’re the best…

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