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April 2011
Bike and Games.
I seriously talk crap.
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I Was Fired!
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Fixed The Damn Thang!
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Have You Seen This? & Life.
February 2009
The Anti-Carpenter!!!!!
Today : Warning ; Colourful
January 2009
Funeral Today + Cham
It Shall Return!
About my Week
No, Nope, Nuh-Uh
Politically Correct Little Red Riding Ho
Mental Illness.
What is it coming to...
December 2008
Dexter Anybody?
About Those People...
I'm Sick And Tired Of...
November 2008
What's the point?
Blast From The Blogging Past
Exposed To The Nation.
Exposed To The Nation.
Exposed To The Nation.
Left 4 Dead Demo
Gears 2... erm.. 2
Not alot really
October 2008
Xbox Live
Not-Much... with BuckshotAnFonE!!!
After a brief disappearance
September 2008
Quick but long
Landed Back Again.
Mercs2AuntDexter/Some Idiot
August 2008
Not Alot, Less.
Shoot 'Em Ups
Another Day. Another Blog.
July 2008
Not much 1
More No-Things.
More Sweet Nothings
June 2008
Just Quickly!
Do You Even Read The Title?
I Can't Think Of A Suitable Title.
A Little Bit Of Nothing
Halo3 & Poker!
Just a little.
45 and junk
May 2008
Oh Ish... Could She Be...?
40! Bourne... Naw..
My Thoughts.
Something Fresh To Play (Finally)
April 2008
My Games.
1000GS People!
My Created Blog.
March 2008
February 2008
Earthquake Follow-Up
Just A Little Bit Of Nothing.
A Blog About Nothing
Fourth Times The Charm
Re-Visiting The Future?
#34 No Topic?
#32#33 Yeah!
January 2008
#31 Hurt-Pain-COD
#30 Precious Life To Me
#29 Nothin' Much
#28 Nothing New
#27 The Future, Past, Life.
#25 Nothing Is Clear Cut
#24 Burnout Paradise #2
#23 Burnout Paradise!
#22 - Passion
#21 Don't Watch TV, Read A Book, Or Blog
#19 Gates and Fences
#18 - God Will F*ck You Up
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#16 - Changes
Damnit, I Missed That One
Funky MadCon.
God, gOd, goD. Always GOD
MC Hawking
Guilty Feeling And Guilty People
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Do Y'all Even Read The Title?
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December 2007
Heart Broken and Sentence From The Heart
Today's Short
Er... What?
The Same Formula?
Another Slow News Day
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Yesterdays And Todays Blog
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Dogs Dawg
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If I Ruled The World...
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So Hungry
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Hitman, Dexter, My ScreenS' and A Song
November 2007
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My Clan, Not HMH
GTP And Life Right Now.
Rant On This And That, Christmas And Cra
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Assassin's Creed.
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Assassin's Creed
Lesson(s) Learned and Thoughts In Words.
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Something or Nothing
Third Time Lucky?
An E-mail I'mma share wit' you
I did it!
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October 2007
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Croc Hunter
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yEt AnOthEr blOg
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Mum... But Both
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A Gift To You
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September 2007
Agitated State
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War, Power, HD-DVD and Thangs.
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August 2007
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   Nothing... I guess I'll have to create it myself then... It's been a while, let's see if I could do this, then again, could I even do it in the beginning? What makes a good blog, being thought-provoking? Getting your point across? Trying to be funny or serious? I don't know, I guess it depends on the person and what feels right to them..
   So here I am, at a loss with what to do to myself, again... I don't think I've slept through the night in a long time, and it's finally caught up with me. Normally I wouldn't bother, the day is just as comfortable as the night when you've got the time, but not anymore, for the past few weeks there have been builders on my roof between 8am and 4pm, more often than not, banging the hell out of something. Which really deals a damaging blow to the otherwise peaceful sleep I'd have. Yet, no matter how tired I get, I still can't sleep at night, and I don't know what annoys me more about it, the fact that I can't sleep... or the way that somewhere along the line, I allowed this to happen... Well, no, actually, OBVIOUSLY, the not sleeping is the worst part. The other being more of an after thought. Looking back at it though, I can't remember when I was regular with my sleep...
   Other than that the weather has basically crumbled my willpower to want to go outside. The last two days excluded, the rain and wind has been intense to say the least. Leaving me with hours upon hours of hammering and other power-tooled-noises without rhythm. On those off days I actually get to see the sky.. I go and see Skye.. granted I've not really seen her the last two or three weeks, which annoys me to no end. Obviously I'm not claiming my sister should be on hand to await my arrival to come see my niece, but if she was just at least home regularly, I'd not have a problem. How it goes though, is that she's out alot now and I'm losing that time with Skye. I saw her today and it's crazy how much she's learned since I last got to spend time with her. She's saying things I haven't heard her say before, she's doing things I've never seen her do, and it's amazing to watch that.
   It's funny how much contrast there can be between things going on at the same time. I'm finding it hard to concentrate, to even want to write, but there is alot of thoughts going through my mind, most of it irrelevant and thinking it for the hell of it. It's weird, friends of my mothers who I've known since I was around five, finally got married on April 1st. April Fools day, ironically both their birthdays, both of them known to act the fool in their time. And even though I know their relationship is solid now, I couldn't help but think about how much that was on the brink, most of the time I knew them. I saw alot or marital violence (marital, but they weren't married?) and the crazy thing was that it wasn't even my family. Both heavy drinkers, both bad tempers, and both crazy when they were intoxicated. The amount of times me and my best friend (his mother/step dad) saw them break out in violence for the stupidest thing. Punching, Kicking, Biting, scratching, more often than not leading to more serious things. He choked her, she stabbed him with a pair of scissors, violence breaking out and she goes crazy and grabs a knife, threatening to stab him, calms down, goes to hand him the knife good and proper (by the blade) and ends up, in the confusion, getting her fingers very nearly cut off. We spent alot of that night in the hospital, and then were moved to another hospital. Then the time they started fighting and she left the room, everything hella quiet as no one wanted to speak, only to find a few minutes later she was in the kitchen with both her wrists slit.... AND YET, even despite all that crap, they managed to sort it all out and fix it to damn near perfection. It confuses me. Is love really strong enough to make you stay through that crap? Or is it just stubborness? Not wanting to be uprooted and have to start over again?
   And then beyond that, I am reminded more than once in a while that my aunt is not well.. and there is nothing that can be done. Her being stubborn hinders any attempts by doctors to look at her, medication is turned down and reason is given a deaf ear. But despite the many problems, she chooses to suffer through what she has rather than go through medicines and treatments... And I think and ask why put yourself through that, only to hear nothing inispiring or anything that would show she knows what she's doing. I'm long passed trying to understand the mind of certain people, or why they do what they do. In the end the only thing I can hope is that it makes sense to her and that she truly doesn't fear death, as it would appear. Standing idly by waiting for it to happen is beginning to worry me though. What I don't like though, is the way she seems really bad one day, but then alot better another, it's like her health is dipping and spiking, and I fear that this is not allowing me to prepare for it, that it's just gonna come suddenly and I'm not going to be able to deal with it very well. It sounds selfish really, and I know I've got the support from friends and family for when it happens. But this whole sudden situation gets me thinking that I'm going to be hit the hardest by it, where as, was her health to deteriorate to a point where it's not gonna get better and it is the end of her life, the family will be around too, to understand what I'm gonna go through. I try not to think about it, 'cause I know It's gonna bother me immensly, and I know I'll deal with it, one way or another. And even though it's particularly polite to think about someone elses mortality, I have done... again.
   Not to try and overshadow the previous topics and make them irrelevant, but I feel the need to express my annoyance over my harddrive. December 26th I got it, brand new, to store all the crap I had on my PC and laptop. Believing them to be safe as houses, and POW, within a month it's crapped out on me, I know this has been mentioned before, but I thought I was on the road to recovery, litterally... Due to the uncertainty of what the company would do when they saw what was on the harddrive (a whole collection of albums and films, tv shows)  I decided it wouldn't be appropriate for me to send it to them to repair, even though the warranty was so fresh I could've just picked it out of the ground there and then. So anyway, there are a few people I have contact with, who can actually check it out for me, one such guy works for a company all of us are familiar with (Software company anyone? Makes consoles? Got it? yeah? There ya go!). I was told that the problem was understood and could be sorted, all I had to do was agree to the fee for the part that was needed, of course, the benefits of the part outweighed the benefit of the money and I accepted. Waited a few more days, part arrived, didn't work... part sent back, all hopes dashed... Turns out that it's basically screwed as a functional harddrive, however! The data can be retrieved by some equipment that just happens to be available where the fella works. So today, he took it in, depending on whom was on site when he got there, he may have been able to get it all back off that piece of crap and fix me up with a new harddrive... Here's to hoping?... find out tomorrow.
   Speaking of gadgets, I've decided I want a projector, to play my 360 on, that'd be cool, gonna see what I can do about it, i've heard the replacement bulbs are hella expensive, which is putting me off, but still, exciting! Haha, like a kid at christmas sometimes... Also, GTA4 is released shortly, multiplayer cruising in Liberty City? Different game modes, Cops and Robbers (Or something like that, I forget) awesome! I'm hoping it'll bring back my interest to gaming.
   It's been dwindling alot lately, mostly because it appears that all I ever seem to play is FPS'. COD4, Halo3, Gears (which is actually a THIRD-PS) and the most recent Rainbow. Speaking of which, I love. I really do enjoy playing it alot and terrorist hunt is crazy cool, the downside to the game being that once I play it, my COD game really goes to hell... which in turn puts me off wanting to play it, which I believe is the superior game. There is ALOT of boosting in Rainbow though, the ranks were easily manipulated, I'm just glad it wasn't for the guns and equipment, but just for camos and armour.
   So before I leave this blog as a mix of this and that, I need to check something... *checks* Yup, I was right... but had to be sure. Okay, seriously, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO SPLINTER CELL!?!?!?!?! Possibly the biggest game of the year for me, I've waited such a damn long time for it, and was happily going day by day safe in the knowledge that it'd be released in April. Considering I was expecting it in March too, I have been BEYOND patient! But now I check and I see no release date? Are you kidding me? Gears of War 2 gets a release date, GTA gets a release date, but SC doesn't why? And to top it all off, I can't even find a reason why it's not out! I'm not happy about it at all... I WANT MY SPLINTER CELL FIX! B*****DS!
   Okay, there we go, I'm done... Thanks.

Hope everything is well for one and all.
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Posted at 04/03/2008 08:36 PM Leave Comment    View Comments (2)
Blog Comments
Maharet said at 04/08/2008 12:00 AM Reply to this Comment
wow. god this post just made me so sad. if i have any kids i can see my child talking this way about my sister. i can't imagine my kids going through something like that. me...i'm used to it. it's part of my life and i've always lived it. always been aware of the fact that one day i might wake up with no sister...maybe even no mother. mom's an alcoholic and sis is covered in scars. big ones. HUGE ones up and down her arms and legs. she's been in some serious fights with her partner. she broke his toe, nearly burned him with tea, nearly got him killed when some guys came to her "rescue". he's still there. sometimes i don't know why either, but most times i know it's because they love each other so intensly that no one else understands. she's on and off meds as well and that's not easy on the rest of us either. not only do we have to watch her suffer periodically, but we have to keep a very watchful eye on her moodswings and put up with bad behavior. well, i don't think i'm that great a sister, because i'm struggling to do even the simplest things with her. i think my life is more important to me....actually rigids life is and so trips to the zoo, disneyland, the park, beach and family events are being kept to a very low minimum. her kids b-days and partners b-day...maybe christmas. sometimes the best thing you can do is step away. always be there know.

Phorexia said at 04/04/2008 12:00 AM Reply to this Comment
Indifference, pride, determination... just a couple of reasons why people continue to 'love' despite obvious obstacles.

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