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AnFonE's Blogs

I Can't Think Of A Suitable Title.

The other week I was in bed when the doorbell was rung rather irratically.
Nothing major, just some dude telling me that my aunt was stranded around the corner.
See, she recently got a mobility-scooter to help her get around and get out more,
As being house-bound wasn't really working out for her.
Anyway, the thing died and I had to go around and help her back.
Quite a hassle it was too.
Tonight I was in bed, not too late, about 9pm
When again the doorbell was rung
At first I'm thinking it's morning and the postman has got something for me
So I quickly jump out of bed, scramble to find some clothes and run to the door
And there's a woman stood there
She asks me if I know a woman with a mobility-scooter
To which I say, "Yes, urgh, it hasn't stopped again has it?"
I was a little relieved to here that wasn't the case as pushing that thing is a pain.
Then she tells me that my aunt has come off it and smashed her head across the pavement.
Crap..
So the woman waits for me while I get dressed and then takes me round there.
Not far away, but it'd have took me 15minutes to walk there.
I get there to see my aunt on her scooter, surrounded by a few people
I walk up  to her and I'm like "What is your game?"
Then she tells me what happened.
Basically she mis-judged the steepness of the slope and came off , headbutting the curb.
Being her though, she refused and ambulance and didn't want to cause a fuss.
She's got blood down both sides of her face and all up her wrists
And she's feeling dizzy.
But she carries on, on her scooter until I get her home.
Make a quick phone-call to family and she's on her way  to the hospital.
She's still there now and I'm at home on my billy.

Home.
I guess that's what it is, technically.
I don't know how to explain it really but lately it's beginning to feel like it's not my home.
I'm uncomfortable
Like I'm in a strangers house, I feel out of place
It's weird, and awkward and I can't understand it.
It's pretty recent, and can most likely be attributed to the fact that my aunt is getting worse.
She's becoming alot more dependant on me.
And I know it shouldn't, but it aggitates me and annoys me when she calls on me,
For every little thing.
I'm a little distgusted with myself about it I guess.
I guess somewhere along the line I became very self-centred.
I mean it doesn't help with her getting confused about stuff
And asking me the same thing four-to-five times a hour,
It's frustrating.
But I deal with it, just mutter to myself or just tell friends and family I'm getting annoyed.
Let of a little steam that way.
It doesn't help to hear her nearly choking when she has a coughing-fit.
Especially late at night.
I'm sat/laid there,
Wondering to myself..
Is this going to be the time she gets  to the point where she can't breath?
What do I do then?
Do I sit and listen to her coughing and weezing
Struggling to breathe?
Yes...
Why?
Because there's nothing else I can do about it.
I'm stuck.
I don't like it, I'm watching someone gradually die.
But I think
What the hell is she going through then.
She doesn't even seem phased by it.
I don't like thinking about it, I dont' think about it alot
It's not healthy
Whenever I have a chance to avoid the quiet..
I do
Music, TV, Games, Sleep.
Hell, even writing this.
Just type what I think without really thinking about it too much.
It helps.

Before the end though, a quick change of topic.
Get my mind of it before I finish the blog.
So I'm  not thinking about it afterwards.

Decided to give Bioshock another go.
It's not bad
I still don't see it
But it's not bad...
Got a few achievements
Gonna play through some more later
I'll be up all night now
Shouldn't have went to sleep
Even if it was only for a short-while
Oh well, my own problem.
Not long until Battlefield
Alone In The Dark first though
Give it a try
Haven't got a Horror Game for my 360.
Is Thief : Deadly Shadows backwards compatible?
If so, then I DO have a Horror Game...
Terrifying too
And the worst part is..
I dont' think they really intended it to be.
Dark
But what can you expect when you're playing a Stealth game?
Resembles Splinter Cell Pandora/Chaos
But... like
Thousands of years before?
Still like it..
Mostly.

All good though, I hope everyone has enjoyed their weekend
Mine wasn't baaaaaaaaaaaad.
Stay good and enjoy ya week.

Anthony/AnFonE

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Posted at 06/15/2008 03:32 PM Leave Comment    View Comments (7)
Blog Comments
markysparky
markysparky said at 06/16/2008 12:00 AM Reply to this Comment
You're amazing for being able to do that!


Maharet
Maharet said at 06/16/2008 12:00 AM Reply to this Comment
can't say i know what you're going through. i mean i do and i don't. it's difficult to feel like someone is so dependent on you that they can't live their own lives without your constant help. it's frustrating and leaves you feeling helpless and very much alone. at least i do. i think you might be feeling like it's time for you to move. be on your own. this may or may not be the case, but usually that restless/awkward feeling can be attributed to that. it was for me. sometimes i do think i shouldn't have left home. i wasn't ready, but i personally wouldn't have really gotten anything beneficial out of staying either. my home life was...shit. roaches on the wall, mattress on the floor kind of shit. it wasn't always like that...something just went wrong. but you know, life isn't always such shit. sometimes you have to do what you have to do to heal yourself or someone else. even if it means not doing all the things you want to do. i think in the end, even though you feel annoyed, you'll feel better for having been there. we don't get second chances when our family is gone. and you know, you shouldn't feel bad that you feel irritated by what's going on. first you're seeing your aunt get worse and that's grating your nerves and second you can't do the things you want to do all the time because you're busy taking care of someone else's needs. I%u2019m sorry if anyone might think I%u2019m selfish%u2026no wait, I%u2019m not sorry. Truth is EVERYONE is selfish to some degree, some more than others. I would never, nor would anyone on this site, think you%u2019re selfish for not wanting to be at someone%u2019s beck and call day and night. It%u2019s perfectly understandable. From what I see, no matter how irritating it is you%u2019re still there for her. Have you tried not being as available? Maybe let school or a job take up most of your day so someone else can step in while you%u2019re not there? Hope things lighten up a bit dear. take care. :)


Dentedcmd
Dentedcmd said at 06/15/2008 12:00 AM Reply to this Comment
It is a lot of strain when you have someone relying on you all the time......I hope you get as much support.....Bioshock was fantastic i thought, but not every game is to everyone's liking, take it easy anfone


BuckshotGeorge
BuckshotGeorge said at 06/15/2008 12:00 AM Reply to this Comment
Stick with Bioshock, the story improves as the game progresses. And the achievements come in handy. Gaming is always good to keep your mind off things...


Royal Victrix
Royal Victrix said at 06/15/2008 12:00 AM Reply to this Comment
Geees, at first I was like.. is he writing a short story? That is crazy though. It stinks that you have to go through that. =/ sorry. It reminded me of how my mom use to take care of my grandmother all the time. And it hit me that I eventually will have to do the same for my parents. But I am pretty sure it is harder on her that she does has to rely on you. I think she would much rather be doing that stuff herself. and I think it shows that she doesn't really like relying on people since she didn't want to be rushed to the ER. It's what I think anyway. It's ok anfone.. it's okay... And bioshock was really good. I loved that game. at one point, when everyone in the house was asleep, and even with the lights on.. I had to stop playing because i was scared. lmao. that's just me though. im a chicken shit


Phorexia
Phorexia said at 06/15/2008 12:00 AM Reply to this Comment
Damn man, hitting her head on the pavement, can't be good. Hope she's holding up well in hospital.





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