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AnFonE's Blogs

GTP And Life Right Now.
   Well, like most I guess I'm gonna have to go along and say GTP. I do tend to come on here everyday, read the blogs, post on the forums. I seldom look at people's profiles, not sure why though, I guess that's the idea. To find people you share interests with and game with them. With that being said, I do play with some of the coolest people on the site, I'm not sure how that came about but hey, it's all good. I really do like reading the blogs, especially from the regular people who blog, and also those who just throw in their thoughts about a specific topic that's just appealed to them. I think you get a greater sense of how someone is from the way they write their blogs than you can from reading their profile information, sure you get the basics from that, but it just seems to be you think what you're told to think and you can't really form an opinion, that's just my opinion though.
   The forums need to be used more. When I first joined this site back at the end of 05 I was pretty inactive, I rarely said anything to anyone, played with a few people who no longer use this site and that was about it. But I did skulk around the forums, occassionally making the odd post, reading the active threads and such. It seemed like it was used a lot more than what it is today, which is a shame because It's great fun to have a conversation where anyone can jump in and throw in their thoughts, new and old users alike. And the humour that can pass through those threads is just awesome. I think there needs to be a bigger emphasis on the forums link. I'm not sure how pracitcal it would be to do that but y'know, make it stand out, draw in a few more people and try bring it back to it's former glory.
   Among the other sites I tend to use daily are my online banking, my yahoo e-mails which I register all my important things to. Allhiphop.com and sohh.com because I like to know what's going on in the world of Hip-Hop, fact or rumour. Also, Wikipedia is a great site. I love reading about random things on that site, although I did once come across the the 4th Dimension page and it confused the hell outta me. Anyone know how to explain it in Laymans terms? haha
   Yesterday I played Gears of War again, trying to get a ranked game setup was hell. I cannot understand why you can't play a ranked match with your team. How ridiculous is that? You have a rank, why would you entrust that with three other people you don't know and possibly don't like? I'mma make sure Gears2 has the Team feature before I even consider picking it up... when it comes out of course. So DarkKnight set up a game to prospect the players who wanted to get the achievements. I joined with no problem, but Cookie couldn't. We decided to wait until she could find the game. Within the first few minute of setting up, some people joined. Dark kindly explained to them the situation and proceeded to ask them to leave in the nicest possible way. However, these people didn't want to leave. Eventually we had to create another room, but the same thing happened again... and again... and again...  I set the room up and managed to get five of the six we definitely knew were playing. But quickly, the game filled up and the random players stubbornly refused to leave. We made perfecrtly clear that the game wasn't going to be played without our original players and also with them in the room. However, they were insisting they weren't going nowhere. A little later and Dark had to leave, the second he left the room, the other three players dropped out.
   We agreed to abandon the Gears game for a while or until a later date and I went to play COD. Now COD is one of those games you can just pick up and play. Its either going your way or it's not. When it's not, it's frustrating as hell. Everytime you try to move you get killed, and something has to be done about the spawning on that game. I'm not a fan of it. Dudes right behind me, ending my spree without me even knowing they're there. It kinda happened when I started playing but I managed to pick up the pace quite well and I ended up wiping out the whole enemy team by myself on Search And Destroy. I love all the games types on COD, and even though they're pretty much the same as every other "realistic" shooter, I've never been interested in anything other than Last Man Standing, one life, one mistake, end, kinda thing,
   I've just come from playing Halo3. I'm begining to like the game again, but I guess that's because I've not been playing it at all lately. I played NINE double Team matches and lost only TWO. That's SEVEN I won. Haha, which put my rank up to 35. In every game I did really well and my random partners sent me invites to play. I accepted two of them... and both those games I lost. I think I lose those games because I feel slighly pressured into performing well. The first games I played they couldn't expect anything of me, but after seeing my do well they believe that is par for  me and to, if anything... get better than to get worse. Unfortunately I always lose those games.
    Even with that though I think I'm gonna start playing more and see if I can at least prove to myself that I can play effectively if I put my mind to it. And if that doesn't work, I'll play something else.
   I didn't write a blog yesterday. I guess I had nothing to say. That and I really couldn't be bothered. My mind has been elsewhere these last few days. Im forgetting things I should be doing, not to mention my aunt has picked up some kind of virus and she's getting worse. What's worse is that she is cosntantly refusing medical attention. She has Chronic Asthma and she doesn't take anything for it. She has Diabetes and is refusing Insulin. She has arthritis too and keeps falling over, which can't be good for her bones. The memory loss can be an issue from time to time. She'll ask me something and I'll answer her, and not so long later she'll come back and ask me again, sometimes several times within a short period of time. It can get frustrating to say the least. And on top of that, she's partially deaf and partially sighted... And even then I think there are more things that I forget right now.
   Honestly, I'm amazed she's still alive. Doctors gave her until she was 45, and now she's 47. I guess she's living on borrowed time. My biggest worry is that she's going to take a turn for the worst infront of me and I'm not going to be able to do anything about it, or panic. She has told me if anything was to happen to her that she doesn't want medical treatment. Which leaves me in one hell of a position. If she was to take a heart attack or stoke, what do I do... one on hand if she died and I did nothing I'd have to live with that for the rest of my life...  but if I did bring in someone to try and help her and she lived, she'd probably shun me.
   I try not to think about it, and I don't know why that just came up. But it puts a huge weight upon my shoulders and I don't really know if I'm going to be able to deal with it when the times comes. And when it does my life gets uprooted and I gotta put myself on another path and work out where I wanna be, how I'm going to get there and the sacrifices I'm going to have to make. The less I think about the future the better. Right now is all that matters, but right now is bringing up questions that I can't answer, and the anticipation is almost as bad as the answer from the worst-case scenario.
   I try to keep my mind occupied. Maybe the reason I listen to music all the time, play games. I love having that quiet time to think. But I don't enjoy it, cause i dont' know where it's gonna take me. I end up contemplating things I don't want to think about. And then I can't forget about them, next thing I know, I'm thinking about it every second I get, and it drains me. It depresses me to a degree. Not to say I'm depressed in the way that I don't want to do anything or speak to anybody, but in a way that just makes it harder for me to deal with everything else.
   If you managed to read all of this I thank you, and I'm sorry it was so long. I say that all the time, but when I publish it it doesn't seem all that long. This one I think could have taken some time to read. I guess I should save you all the bother of reading about my situation and delete this. But its' too late, you've already finished.

Have a nice day

AnFonE
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Posted at 11/24/2007 06:49 AM Leave Comment    View Comments (3)
Blog Comments
Phorexia
Phorexia said at 11/24/2007 12:00 AM Reply to this Comment
Thinking about stuff like that, it'd drain anyone. Keeping your mind occupied helps, but then you end up thinking about those things that you'd rather not at times.


X Cookie 73 X
X Cookie 73 X said at 11/24/2007 12:00 AM Reply to this Comment
well anfone im proud of u for staying with yr aunt in the first place-cos believe me not many young ones wanna take that responsibilty of what u do.
the fact that she has all those problems and u are helping her and sticking by her -most wouldve given up within a few days to aweek. i cant say i know what u are going thru ,cos i dont -but i know how it can be frustrating at times when u are constantly asked the same things over and over again in the short period of time.
to be honest i wouldnt want to be in your position either but can only offer u advice of going to speak with a doctor of ur aunts wishes,or speak with another relative, in how i loook at it it will be against the law not to help ur aunt,as much as it is her wishes for not wanting help,u can only explain that u couldnt do itas much as u love her and want her out of any paint she suffers. i probably havnt helped u but u shd talk to someone -dont let it be the weight on your shoulders. well all the best with things anfone -see ya in the games,cookie


BuckshotGeorge
BuckshotGeorge said at 11/24/2007 12:00 AM Reply to this Comment
nice blog my friend. glad you're enjoying some halo action again. there's nothing worse than falling out of love with something.CoD4 is up on eBay for me. Unfortunately I need the money, and it's my best seller, being a recent game an that. I'm stuck on the end of the sniper level on Vet. I'm selling all of my games on eBay, but I'm keeping H3. Lets have a HMH night there tomorrow. Oh, and I'm starting Assassins Creed tomorrow too, can't wait...


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